Things to do
Parenting Up:
Parenting up is taking on new responsibilities while putting the injustice of it aside. Fairness takes a back seat when it comes to children’s safety and peace of mind. Even if you are contributing more than your fair share during this time, for as by driving 80% of the miles, excessive gas spending can be reduced. It’s not losing your child. Countrywide Mediation Brighton has a few pointers for you.
II. Establish limits on parenting time:
Describe the conditions that must be met by BOTH parents while the child is in their care.
Examples:
When the child is under their care, neither parent drinks.
Without first consulting the other parent, neither parent introduces the child to outsiders.
Accept a safety plan that puts judgement or unfavourable consequences on hold. By ensuring a suspension of criticism or punishment and simply agreeing to provide protection — in the form of a ride home, from wherever, at whatever time, without asking any questions — parents make it safe for their kids to call in case of an emergency, modelling the prevention of drunk driving contract parents make with teens. Parents might see this as:
If either parent has consumed alcohol, he or she contacts the other parent, who can pick up the child that evening or arrange for other transportation (such as Uber).
If one parent needs assistance, do not criticise or attack that parent. This arrangement enables a parent who needs assistance to notify the other parent as opposed to trying to conceal the issue or waiting for it to get worse before seeking assistance.
Instead of insisting that the problems with one spouse’s addiction be fully treated, the parents might establish safer, healthier means for the child to still have regular contact with that spouse. While one parent waits or transports the youngster to and from the diner, the child might visit there. Perhaps overnights are substituted with afternoon or morning visits—times designed around the higher probability of successful visitations—until recovery is well-established. While one parent faces major life [threatening] challenges, maintaining the parent-child bond takes collaboration, if not outright heroism, on the part of the other parent.
It is best to go through such agreements with a skilled professional who can assist the parties in finding viability while managing any painful emotions that may develop. https://countrywidemediation.co.uk/locations/
It will be crucial to allow anger and fear their own room so that they may be dealt with without weakening solutions. In this way, the parent who is having difficulties is supported rather than criticised, and the parent who is shouldering more responsibility than is reasonable is also acknowledged and supported, along with a plan for how things will be equalised soon or by other ways.
Due to the child’s present restrictions, the parent who has earned the other’s mistrust may be afraid of losing contact with the youngster. It will be crucial to handle this issue.
III. Take use of bigger support networks
When the child is in the vulnerable parent’s care, having other trustworthy people nearby could serve as adequate support. Even though you would like the child spend time alone with the parent, it’s more crucial that the child is surrounded by trustworthy adults. The vulnerable parent may be making these decisions since it’s the best way for them to now manage parenting.
Limitations, objectives, and quantifiable criteria for more flexible parenting time
Put restrictions in place until the youngster has a reliable and secure resource in the other parent. Specify the circumstances you need in order to increase custody and visitation. Instead of one side being at the mercy of the other’s “feeling” of things or subjective assessment, clear, objective definitions allow both parties experience a stronger sense of efficacy. They also aid in the development of agreement and trust.
Support interaction in a safe and supervised manner up until more balanced parenting is developed. I’ll make every effort to get you to see Max as frequently as I can. However, unless you are enrolled in a treatment programme, avoid driving and travelling outside of your state.
V. Limit time
Limiting the child’s or children’s contact with the other parent is a last resort. Make every effort to allow the other parent to have regular, secure contact with the child.
“I’m going to take Max to the diner, sit down and work for a little, and then you two can eat lunch or supper or whatever, and I’ll take him home.”
I’ll bring him to you for a few hours, and then I’ll come back to get him and take him home in x hours.
It might not be the ideal idea to meet in one spouse’s house, but until things get better, you could consider having a brief meeting in a library, park, or museum.
VI. No
Take whatever steps are required to protect your child if you ever feel threatened for them. Trust your instincts and stand up for your child if your spouse picks up the child and smells strongly of alcohol or is acting strangely in any other way. Professionals can help with the aftermath, but you must safeguard your child. This is not a reason to take advantage of the circumstance, exploit the youngster to drive a point home, or vent your own resentment. Simply put, we wish to prevent all forms of child exploitation and abuse.
