From Ambulance Chasers to… Wait, How to Find Hit and Run Driver? Is That Even Legal?
God, what time is it? Whatever. It’s me. Again. Can’t sleep. This Oberg thing in Mesquite… it’s… [deep sigh] So, law firm’s expanding. Whoopee. More lawyers. Just what we… [yawn] …needed. You know what Mesquite really needs? A decent pizza place. Or maybe that’s just me. I’m hungry. Had a guy ask me today, “Is this good for the town?” Good? I dunno, man. Is a root canal good? Necessary evil, maybe. Like… like… what’s something else that sucks but you need it? Taxes? Yeah, taxes. Lawyers are like taxes. But with better suits.
Lawyers, Lawyers Everywhere and Not a Drop to Drink
You know what’s funny? Not funny-haha, but… you know. Everyone thinks Mesquite’s turning into lawyer-ville. But we’re not… what’s that place? Oh yeah, i accident lawyer in East Hartford CT. What’s that even mean? “I accident lawyer”? Did they forget words? Maybe they got hit by an ambulance. Irony. And don’t get me started on the tech stuff. Oberg’s all “Ooh, we got new tech!” What, did they discover email? [Snort] I bet they still use fax machines. Do fax machines still exist? Note to self: Google “are fax machines extinct?”
It’s Not All Broken Bones and Whiplash
You wanna know what really bakes my noodle? It’s not the car crash stuff. It’s the weird cases. Like, had this lady call the paper. Wanted to know if is a stroke considered a disability. I’m like, lady, do I look like WebMD? Oh, and get this. Was reading about… what was it? Is tarlov cyst a disability? The hell’s a Tarlov cyst? Sounds like something you’d name a cat. “Here, Tarlov! Here, boy!” [Sound of can opening] Is this beer still good? Eh, only one way to find out. Where was I? Oh, right. Lawyers. Oberg. Mesquite. You know, at least we’re not injury law firms in Laredo TX. Heard they use lawsuits as currency down there. Probably not true. But maybe. Who knows anymore? I need a vacation. Or a time machine. Go back, tell my younger self, “Hey, maybe don’t become a journalist.
Try… I dunno, professional cloud watcher or something.” [Yawn] Is it morning yet? No? Good. Bad? I don’t even know anymore. All I know is, if I see one more billboard with a lawyer pointing at me, I’m gonna… I dunno. Write a strongly worded letter. To who? Everyone. No one. Does it matter? I’m going to bed. Or to stare at the ceiling and contemplate the existential dread of a world with too many lawyers. Same thing, right? [Muffled thud, possibly head hitting desk]
